remaining strong

Sad news drops on my life recently. Last Friday the boy who  I love breaks up with me.  I would like to correct that and say that I have given him this opportunity  before in taking time apart.  What I got out of the drunk stupor Friday night dump, was we need time a part but this is a break up.  We both love each other and have a great hope in getting back together, but this needed to happen for the sake of our relationship. There is no specific thing to pin point either, other than our emotions and how we went about handling them.  He has told me I have changed him, for the better. He feels more, is a more Godly man and cares more.  What I have concluded about this stubborn ass boy is that I have interrupted his "plan" a plan he has had set for sometime, and I'm turning out to possibly be better than when he expected and he does not know how to deal with it.  I also believe he has been more emotional and that so is not him, so he doesn't know how to control his emotions and its stressing him out.  He is to blame also for not speaking up sooner so things possibly could have been prevented.  I'm working on my emotions and how I handle things. He knows that too. I hope this crazy love that we share is not over. I have no clue how long it will take him to contact me but I am remaining strong and not giving in.

I have been a mess ill admit.  That cant eat, thankfully can sleep missing your best friend kinda mess. I have pictured my life with him and having his babies.  He has told me he wants to give me the world and make all my dreams come true.  You just don't share that with anyone.  I strongly believe that God is on our side and things will get better. This is apart of his plan and his doing so I must remain positive.

He is my first love, my first of many things.

I am so thankful for the mother and my girlfriends these past few days.  Nothing beats going home in a time of sadness and having your mom holding you sharing all her knowledge she has gained over the years. So blessed.  And for my girlfriends who have also listened to me cry, know my relationship and advise me the best they can is so helpful.  I am so thankful for them.

Last night we had a bunch of good girls over for some homework, wine, strawberries and chocolate and good company.  It was great.  I don't know what I would do with out them and they are all so supportive and loving. One day at a time, I will be strong and know everything happens for a reason.

I pray for him and our relationship. Hoping everything great and wonderful will shine through this drought we have been swimming in.