There is always a reason to smile.

Today, the weather is great

I'm whipping out the summer clothes

I have the best girls by my side in the world

Celebrating a birth today, Cheers to 21

Learning so many things in my 20's

Two more days of classes

I still have two guys that never let me down, my brother and dad

I have great roommates who leave special notes

I am alive today

I played in the rain yesterday and walked around barefoot

Those are a just a few reasons as to while ill smile today :)

Faith, Hope and Love

I hate to be the sappy girl during a break up, but that's just life sometimes, and its OK to feel pain.  It means I am living and breathing right.  I stumbled upon this on weheartit and it fits because last night I had a long dream about the boy who I love and miss.  I never had dreams about him before, but in this dream we were not on talking terms but doing the same thing.  Just looking at one another and knowing that we both were hurting inside. When I woke up, it was almost sad but yet relieving because he was there with me.

I had great conversation with a great friend last night and she spoke to me in new ways I haven't yet thought of yet, and over these few days I have been trying to figure things out. Trying to figure out a boy I don't think I know any more.  But who he has been this past week, is not the person he was for seven months, and that person I know. I have to believe he still is that person but just needs a break. And I guess I do too. I have never felt a love like this, nor been in love. I truly believe we are meant to be together unless God has a different plan. But this break is part of his plan.  If we talked now, the hurt, sadness and anger would still rise and we would not be able to talk respectfully to one another. Being in love with someone is feeling all those things, but still never wanting to be apart and to fight and have great hope that things will work out with time.  Faith in God is Faith in his timing.

Enough about that, there are only less than two weeks of school left and many celebrations to look forward too.  I must enjoy each day, focus on finishing school strong, enjoying these final school days with  my friends, being patient and knowing everything will work out, loving him and missing him and knowing he is doing the same.

God has a plan for me, there is a reason why I am here, here in Menomonie getting a degree in psychology, God planned for Tony and I to meet, our story is too great to stop and the same with our love. I have a hope, God has given me a hope. I am blessed to know that and believe.

remaining strong

Sad news drops on my life recently. Last Friday the boy who  I love breaks up with me.  I would like to correct that and say that I have given him this opportunity  before in taking time apart.  What I got out of the drunk stupor Friday night dump, was we need time a part but this is a break up.  We both love each other and have a great hope in getting back together, but this needed to happen for the sake of our relationship. There is no specific thing to pin point either, other than our emotions and how we went about handling them.  He has told me I have changed him, for the better. He feels more, is a more Godly man and cares more.  What I have concluded about this stubborn ass boy is that I have interrupted his "plan" a plan he has had set for sometime, and I'm turning out to possibly be better than when he expected and he does not know how to deal with it.  I also believe he has been more emotional and that so is not him, so he doesn't know how to control his emotions and its stressing him out.  He is to blame also for not speaking up sooner so things possibly could have been prevented.  I'm working on my emotions and how I handle things. He knows that too. I hope this crazy love that we share is not over. I have no clue how long it will take him to contact me but I am remaining strong and not giving in.

I have been a mess ill admit.  That cant eat, thankfully can sleep missing your best friend kinda mess. I have pictured my life with him and having his babies.  He has told me he wants to give me the world and make all my dreams come true.  You just don't share that with anyone.  I strongly believe that God is on our side and things will get better. This is apart of his plan and his doing so I must remain positive.

He is my first love, my first of many things.

I am so thankful for the mother and my girlfriends these past few days.  Nothing beats going home in a time of sadness and having your mom holding you sharing all her knowledge she has gained over the years. So blessed.  And for my girlfriends who have also listened to me cry, know my relationship and advise me the best they can is so helpful.  I am so thankful for them.

Last night we had a bunch of good girls over for some homework, wine, strawberries and chocolate and good company.  It was great.  I don't know what I would do with out them and they are all so supportive and loving. One day at a time, I will be strong and know everything happens for a reason.

I pray for him and our relationship. Hoping everything great and wonderful will shine through this drought we have been swimming in.

Junior year is coming to an end. Where did the time go? I have learned and gained so much this year. Gained more than just knowledge.  I gained new friends who always bring joy and I gained a person who loves me for me and always shows me.  I have also realized some things about myself that I need to work on and I'm OK with that.  I'm not perfect and the things I have in my life have not come easy.  But that's the joy, because without heartache and struggle, we would not be shaped into the person we have always wanted to be.

I sometimes get caught up in all the dreams I wish for myself.  Dreams that can come true with hard work.  I try to keep them realistic for the most part, but I cant help I am dreamer and want the best for myself and the family I will create one day. I cant be afraid to be a little selfish sometimes, because I believe I deserve. I am so excited to see the plan that God has planned for me.  This summer will be much different than last, and I will also be a stronger person.  I'm looking forward to nights out with my girlfriends, fishing with my dad and brother, having great talks with my mom on her porch and singing for five hours in the car all the way to Green Bay to see a boy that stole my heart. I will not give up on what I want most in life.  I need to embrace change more and not look so much and what I think might be negatives, but find a way to make them positive.

a rats nest

There is nothing more I love than being held, having my back scratch and having someone play with my hair.  I am spoiled because I got that all last night. BUT does not happen that often. But I am so thankful someone like him fulfills does needy needs. He's a keeper.

Something that gets me every time when my boyfriend plays with my hair ( give him props, he does it for like an hour) he some how creates this rats nest in my hair.  I think it because he still needs help with not staying in one area HA but when he is finished I look like I teased my hair about 100 times... talk about hot.  Its hilarious but I love it. 

This I know is a cheesy post, but when I look back on it someday I know it will make me smile. Looking forward to celebrating another 21st birthday this week.  One of my dear college friends Taylor.  Also, consisting this Friday is hitting up Chipotle with the roomies for lunch, driving 45 miles for it but so worth it! Finally, seeing this fabulous movie tonight... CANT WAIT!

feel beautiful today

Today may hard to feel beautiful because its snowing and raining in late April, its a Monday (which are never my favorite), and I'm just too lazy to even wear a bra today. Yes, I did say that. I didn't wear a bra. Thankfully I am able to do that because my chest is not that big, but they are defiantly there.  Since my monthly cycle is now passed, I'm being open and up front with my emotions from the beginning and realizing my boyfriend is the best thing that has happened to be, I find myself feeling beautiful on the inside.  I hope this feeling last because I have so much to be grateful for, I must always remember to count my blessing!

My boyfriend shared this with me and I absoultly love it.  Its so true and I find myself reading this often.  I will help me when I dont feel beautiful inside.

a purpose

Life just keeps getting more and more exciting and also more and more challenging. When I was 13 and wanted to grow up every time I didn't get my way, or my mother was giving me a life lesson... I wish I could of enjoyed it more. I know I had a great childhood and all the things my mother prevented me to do, all the nights she worried, and all the opportunities she gave me, I am ever so grateful for the person I am today and what I believe I am set to do in this world. 

Knowing I have one full year of college left makes me want to pee my pants. Evaluating the girl I was when I came into this chapter of my life and the women I will be when I come out, blows my mind.  I have gained so much knowledge and experienced so many new things.  I am so thankful for the opportunity God has blessed me with and the gifts he has given me also.  I know what I want to be, my fear is just how I will get there, the struggles along the way and if I will be able to succeed.  I have to stop worrying though, sometimes I just wanna smack myself.  I need to have more trust in him and myself and know everything will turn out the way its suppose to.  I have a great support group cheering me on, and I just wanna make them proud and myself. 

 I think my purpose in this world (what I have concluded thus far at age 21) is to help others, wear my heart on my sleeve and always see the good things in people.  Those three things will get me somewhere, I believe that. Where?  That would be the exciting part, I have to accept that it is the exciting part.

While home this past weekend I had breakfast with my wonderful brother. Who I am so proud of.  When I asked him what he thought if I ever chose to move away either for my boyfriend (who I love) or if it were for a career. And I was a bit surprised... he told me " Johanna. Its ok to move away from your family" I guess it took me back because it was like him tell me its ok to move away, encouraging me at the same time, and also saying the love of our family wont change.  It makes me a little sad, but also like a weight lifted off knowing my brother supports and will understand what I choose to do in my future.

Why is scares me so much, I really don't know.  I know things will work out. I must never plan for my future for God laughs at those who plan. I am just thankful for him.  I cant always feel safe and I think that's why I am afraid to move away in fear of not feeling safe and that I am "leaving" my family when i really am now.

UGH! Just a little venting on something that has been on my mind.  Feels good to express myself here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbsHKqvfVRQ&feature=player_embedded

Check out the Video above! The creator of the ShineProject. Ashley, I have been following her blog for sometime and I think what she is doing is great. Makes me motivated to doing something my self... Ill get there someday. Listen to her story and follow her! You will get inspired in so many different ways.

Enjoy :)!