its a tuesday thing

My summer has started. It has been sometime since I have blogged and thankfully its because I have been busy, busy. Chicago was a marvelous time and I cant wait to go back. I have been catching up with my most favorite girls from high school and I could not find more joy in the simple things we do and the conversations that we have.

I am still not working yet, two more weeks of doing mad chores for my mother, running around doing a million errands and just spending time with the ones I love most. BUT within these next two weeks I have four great 21st birthday ahead. All dear friends who have touched me in some way. I cant wait to see all my best girls and celebrate the lives of them.

I love the colors in the picture above from pintrest... an addicting thing truly.

I guess I will be restless tonight trying to figure out what to wear tomorrow to a small town to celebrate something big. I'm single, why not shine right? That boy has been in my dreams too much lately, but I'm OK with that I guess. I love him right? Yes.

Cheers to date night with dad tonight and spending the night baking with him. I love simple nights like those. Did you treat turn out right, no. HAHA but it still taste good, all that matters.

Start of Summer!

Today, is my last day of work. It was a great experience, but I am so ready to be done. To start summer, to start new things and to start new adventures.

It could not start off more perfect then driving with a best friend to see another best friend and to meet more best friends. First road trip of the summer. A great start to a new adventure in my life. I will have no summer classes this summer, and hopefully less family drama with my family. I have some great things to look forward too, my brothers graduation, nannying for a new family and the great adventures that being 21 has in store for me. I have a wonderful family and friends to ring all of this celebration in with.

On a more serious note.. I am healing. I miss him like crazy and in love with him still. Ill be honest that tears still come but I do not ever wanna settle for good not great. As Carrie preaches it well in Remind Me. I have thought many times that this is what God wants for us right now. To learn and grow being apart, maybe go on a few dates, experience some new things, but in the end, come back to one another. BUT we will see. I don't think it will happen with everyone, the feeling of wanting to spend forever with this person, the feeling of knowing the will always protect you and provide for you, the feeling of wanting to have a family with them.  I have to believe that is a sign, but sometimes being apart can only bring people closer.  When we both share a great faith in God, I know he is on our side and I must remain positive and pray.

Cheers to starting summer and a great weekend ahead!

its never goodbye

I have to admit that I do not like change.  I think its because the year I have been living I have loved so much and the people that are in it. I guess each year, things change and people change and we cant do anything about it and must embrace it. Change is a good thing and it makes up appreciate the past that much more because it has taught us so much. Each year has its up and downs, more ups. The exciting thing is, that things happen we never thought would in a million years, God works in great ways. I found love this past year and found new friendships and friendships with old friends got SO much stronger. But now with summer coming, moving home, starting another new chapter... that's change. Will things be the same ever again? No. If we focus too much on trying to predict the future and plan it, we are missing out on life right now. The most precious gift in the world. I have to remind myself to take a breathe and just think, everything will be OK, I am too young to fret, I would rather waste my time counting my blessing instead.

I am thankful to be able to live with the same girls next year and create more memories with them. And sometimes think that next year will be out last, then I just want to slap myself. I must not rush it. I am so blessed to have a house full of love and true friends I could not live without. Its not goodbye for the summer, we will see one another and celebrate each time for the love and friendship we share.

705 Wilson Bitties

I'm so glad this moment got captured. A friendship that was created freshman and now a friendship that will never be broken.  I am so thankful for the wonderful person and friend she has been to me. She wont be at school next year because she is flying to NYC to live out their with her man. It will be different, but I'm saving all my pennies so I can visit. It cant be goodbye, because I will see her again soon. We will have grown since our junior year of college and we will look back and laugh about our conversations and the hope we have for each others future full of life, love and happiness.

Last night I hugged the first love I have ever had. It was a hug to wish one another a great summer. It was a hug of hope, of still loving, of missing, of knowing when to do the right thing, a hug that isnt easy... but the best things in life dont come easy, a hug of memories and a hug for the future.  I am so blessed to have this past school year with him. He has taught me so much and I am so thankful for that. There is no anger or hurt, only hope. I dont know how big or how small but there is some. Doing the right thing can sometimes be the hardest thing. I need to enjoy this summer with my loved ones. Yet, I will miss him always. God has a plan, he does, and its the bes done.

We didnt say goodbye, instead he told me Ill be calling you. I wont wait, but I will look forward to when I can hear his voice again.

Cheers to summertime, to family, to best friends, to fishing, to getting sunkissed.  

Chin Up

I cant believe it, last day of classes of my junior year. This semester has gone by so fast and oh have I learned so much. I think I have to rate this year as one of the best, but we don't need to get into details. Even over these past eleven days, I have learned so much about myself and my previous relationship.  As my roommate told me yesterday, " you always find the positive things in situations that are hurtful, I could never do it" I thank all my friends for admiring my strength through all the difficult times I have faced this past year and a half. I truly think its something God has blessed me with. I thank him for that, its useless to dwell in sadness, nothing good comes from it, but when you trust in God something great always comes along.

Tomorrow, I will meet with Tony for the first time since we broke up.  I am glad we have waited this long to speak because my mind has realized so many things and knowing this is how its suppose to be. I wrote him a thank you letter last night. As I cried I wrote. Not sure what the tears meant, but he has given me so much I never thought was possible. Feelings I thought never existed. I am ever so thankful for him.  Seeing how tomorrow goes I will judge if I will read it to him.  That's the person I am, during a good bye I want to end on a good note, have him see me content with myself and having a positive outlook on the future.

I must always keep my heels, head and standards high. Settling for nothing but greatness and knowing I deserve the best.

God gave him to me to show me so many things. A blessing in disguise and a lesson I will still hold onto forever.  For now I will focus on getting myself healthy, being with my loved ones and creating more wonderful memories with my best girlfriends.

There is always a reason to smile.

Today, the weather is great

I'm whipping out the summer clothes

I have the best girls by my side in the world

Celebrating a birth today, Cheers to 21

Learning so many things in my 20's

Two more days of classes

I still have two guys that never let me down, my brother and dad

I have great roommates who leave special notes

I am alive today

I played in the rain yesterday and walked around barefoot

Those are a just a few reasons as to while ill smile today :)

Faith, Hope and Love

I hate to be the sappy girl during a break up, but that's just life sometimes, and its OK to feel pain.  It means I am living and breathing right.  I stumbled upon this on weheartit and it fits because last night I had a long dream about the boy who I love and miss.  I never had dreams about him before, but in this dream we were not on talking terms but doing the same thing.  Just looking at one another and knowing that we both were hurting inside. When I woke up, it was almost sad but yet relieving because he was there with me.

I had great conversation with a great friend last night and she spoke to me in new ways I haven't yet thought of yet, and over these few days I have been trying to figure things out. Trying to figure out a boy I don't think I know any more.  But who he has been this past week, is not the person he was for seven months, and that person I know. I have to believe he still is that person but just needs a break. And I guess I do too. I have never felt a love like this, nor been in love. I truly believe we are meant to be together unless God has a different plan. But this break is part of his plan.  If we talked now, the hurt, sadness and anger would still rise and we would not be able to talk respectfully to one another. Being in love with someone is feeling all those things, but still never wanting to be apart and to fight and have great hope that things will work out with time.  Faith in God is Faith in his timing.

Enough about that, there are only less than two weeks of school left and many celebrations to look forward too.  I must enjoy each day, focus on finishing school strong, enjoying these final school days with  my friends, being patient and knowing everything will work out, loving him and missing him and knowing he is doing the same.

God has a plan for me, there is a reason why I am here, here in Menomonie getting a degree in psychology, God planned for Tony and I to meet, our story is too great to stop and the same with our love. I have a hope, God has given me a hope. I am blessed to know that and believe.

remaining strong

Sad news drops on my life recently. Last Friday the boy who  I love breaks up with me.  I would like to correct that and say that I have given him this opportunity  before in taking time apart.  What I got out of the drunk stupor Friday night dump, was we need time a part but this is a break up.  We both love each other and have a great hope in getting back together, but this needed to happen for the sake of our relationship. There is no specific thing to pin point either, other than our emotions and how we went about handling them.  He has told me I have changed him, for the better. He feels more, is a more Godly man and cares more.  What I have concluded about this stubborn ass boy is that I have interrupted his "plan" a plan he has had set for sometime, and I'm turning out to possibly be better than when he expected and he does not know how to deal with it.  I also believe he has been more emotional and that so is not him, so he doesn't know how to control his emotions and its stressing him out.  He is to blame also for not speaking up sooner so things possibly could have been prevented.  I'm working on my emotions and how I handle things. He knows that too. I hope this crazy love that we share is not over. I have no clue how long it will take him to contact me but I am remaining strong and not giving in.

I have been a mess ill admit.  That cant eat, thankfully can sleep missing your best friend kinda mess. I have pictured my life with him and having his babies.  He has told me he wants to give me the world and make all my dreams come true.  You just don't share that with anyone.  I strongly believe that God is on our side and things will get better. This is apart of his plan and his doing so I must remain positive.

He is my first love, my first of many things.

I am so thankful for the mother and my girlfriends these past few days.  Nothing beats going home in a time of sadness and having your mom holding you sharing all her knowledge she has gained over the years. So blessed.  And for my girlfriends who have also listened to me cry, know my relationship and advise me the best they can is so helpful.  I am so thankful for them.

Last night we had a bunch of good girls over for some homework, wine, strawberries and chocolate and good company.  It was great.  I don't know what I would do with out them and they are all so supportive and loving. One day at a time, I will be strong and know everything happens for a reason.

I pray for him and our relationship. Hoping everything great and wonderful will shine through this drought we have been swimming in.