I didnt know 20 would be so hard.

I'm sure I will be repeating myself, but that's usually how I talk so I think I will at least get it right?  I never thought when I would hit 20 it would be a roller coaster of emotions.  I thought maybe it would be fun, or adventurous, scary even.  But no, I really had to grow up. I have had to deal with things and go through things I never thought I would. But God does these things for a reason in our life and we are suppose to grow and learn from them. And that is what I am doing exactly.  I often cry, well all the time actually.  Life just gets too stressful and I feel like I don't have anyone to turn to to help me out.  Understand my emotions, hold me and just let me cry.  I will start to feel sorry for myself until I remember all the gifts I have in my life and how someone else is walking in worse shoes than I am.  I truly am a firm believer in never judging a book by its cover.  So many people including myself can walk around with a smile on their face and know one would ever know they are hurting inside.

I never would of thought I would think this, but I kinda want summer to be over.  Its been filled with drama, tears, arguments, hurt hearts, dumb boys, and no money.  But that's life right? Sure is, I couldn't imagine working another job besides my nanny one. I hardly have time for friends and with my parents being divorced I don't get to see one of my best friends, my mom.  It has been really hard for me lately.  She is a strong hard working women, and a daughter always needs her mom and lately I feel to far away from her emotionally and physically to call her my friend.  Its so hard with the lives we have now.  I'm really making choices on my own and telling her them after they are made.  Where she use to be apart of the making process and listening to every detail I had to say.  It just been really hard this summer. 

But looking back so far I have had some great times with good people. Met a boy I thought would be different but as of right now, he is sadly like the rest.  I thought me and God both saw something special.  I still do believe that person is out there for me. Hiding obviously since I haven't found him yet, but he will want to treat me well and never let me go.  A very good friend told me this today as I was venting about my boy situation " God has a plan for you and would never leave someone so giving and thoughtful alone." of course that made me cry.  But that's what best friends do. They are there no matter what and say the things that you need to hear.

Some inspirational quotes that I am enjoying at the moment:

Also, a shout out to almost every girl in this picture who has touched me in so many ways, has always been there no matter what. Thank you for that!

XOXO